The Reunion of a Great Bodhisattva and a Master Fencer
by weewah
Summary: Over a decade after graduation, Hachiman meets a certain master fencer once more. But are they still a loner and a chuuni? A short story from Hachiman's PoV. Not Yaoi. Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu. The original light novel is written by Watari Wataru.
1. Hikigaya Hachiman is unmotivated

**Chapter 1: In any case, Hikigaya Hachiman is unmotivated.**

Performance bonuses are a lie. It is nothing but a ruse.

Those of you who work hard have simply been deceived by those around them. You are tricked into thinking your paycheck depends on the work you do. Misled into thinking that even the tiniest mistake will be life-threatening... or at least career-ending. And so you desperately struggle and do unpaid overtime.

Ultimately, performance bonuses only go to the social elites who are chummy with their bosses, and only if the company is doing well. The average worker just gets paired up with a reviewer who sees none of your efforts or accomplishments. After all, it is his job to save the company as much money as possible by convincing you that you do not deserve any of it.

Actually, I could tell that the reviewer didn't even know who I was. He was constantly staring at me as he searched his memory, giving me quizzical looks that all but said "Does this guy really work here?"

To be fair, I didn't know who he was either. But it was his job to know me, not my job to know him! In the end he just muttered generic phrases like "Work smarter not harder" and "Hoshino-san, you're still young, so gain more experience first", before informing me that there would be absolutely no changes to my salary or workload. Such is the fate of working in a large company where there are so many employees and subsections, that everyone, including your own boss, believes you are working in a different department. Or rather, who the hell was Hoshino-san? Only the initial was correct damn it.

In short, your work amounts to nothing. This is simply deceptive motivation, and to work is truly to lose. At this point I was only coming in to work in order to appear on the office cameras, so I could prove that I deserved the paycheck if it ever stopped coming. It was probably meaningless though... I bet even the accountants in charge of the payroll system don't know about my existence.

Sigh... Ah not good. While I was musing to myself, time mercilessly ticked on and it seems I was already late for my next meeting. An upcoming novelist, pen-name WW, had chosen my company to publish his works, and for some reason he specified that he wanted me as his editor.

I wasn't sure what to think when I saw the office-wide email circulating around, asking if anyone knew about a Hikigaya Hachiman who supposedly worked here. I still remember the awkwardness when I told my boss that I was Hikigaya Hachiman.

In any case, the meeting was in room 8, so I should get going. Throwing away an empty can of MAX coffee, I got up from my desk and headed down the hallway.

When I walked to outside the room, the other employees were giving me disapproving stares that ranged from "Who is this guy? Why does WW want him?" to "How dare he make WW wait for him, is he trying to ruin this company?"

Apparently WW had arrived before I did. I groaned softly, opened the door and stepped inside room 8.


	2. My Chuuni Friend Can't Be a Novelist

**Chapter 2: There's No Way My Chuuni Friend Can Be an Upcoming Novelist.**

**Part 1**

"Ku ku ku, to think we would meet again at a place like this, how surprising. I've been waiting for you, Hikigaya Hachiman."

"W-What did you say?!"

He was waiting for me, and he was still surprised...? Wait, why does this seem so familiar?

As I was assaulted by a strange sense of deja vu, I moved forward to get a good look at the only other person in the room.

"Geh! Zaimokuza?!"

"Eh? 'Geh?' you said?! Our first reunion in over a decade and that is the first thing you say to me? How cruel, Hachiman!"

The memories of Zaimokuza forcing the service club to review his manuscripts resurfaced, causing me to clutch my head in agony. Those were truly hellish days, Zaimokuza had gotten carried away with the attention he was receiving from the service club, and came by with a new request every other day. Yuigahama and I had wanted to just brush him off, but Yukinoshita noticed and forced us to properly read and review ALL of his nonsense, stating that it was the duty of the service club. On hindsight, that experience was probably how I got my current job, not that I'll tell him.

"So why are you here? I have work to do. Shoo shoo. There's going to be a upcoming novelist coming here soon, don't get in the way."

"No... but... Hachiman... that novelist is me?"

It took me a few seconds to process that. Zaimokuza = WW.

"EHHH!? Wait, you're WW?! Why WW? Your name is ZY!"

"Glad you asked Hachiman! It's because repeated initials are cool! It's like in those anime, where you have CC and VV! Except each W is already two Vs repeated, so WW is twice as cool!"

I continued to stare at Zaimokuza Yoshiteru. It seems he was still an idiot. It seems he caught the meaning of my stare, as he continued.

"Eiii! As someone whose name is a natural repeated initial HH, you can never understand! Hikigaya Hachiman!"

Ugh, my head is hurting more now. There's no way my chuuni friend can be an upcoming light novel author. Yeah, now that I think about it, it was definitely a lie.

"Stop with the jokes Zaimokuza. I saw the manuscripts of WW, there are no supernatural elements anywhere. There's no way a giant chuuni like you wrote them."

Zaimokuza suddenly cringed when I said the word "chuuni".

"Ha-Hachiman... do you not remember what you did to me in our third year?"

Hm? I did something to Zaimokuza? That's impossible... I actively avoided contact with him as much as possible, so how could it be possible that I did something to him? I started racking my brain to recall the memories of high school...

Ah! I remembered. It was towards the end of the year, and even Yukinoshita was getting fed up with the endless requests from Zaimokuza. After all, rather than improving, his manuscripts kept becoming more and more incomprehensible. It seemed he was just masochistically enjoying the interactions with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama and had stopped putting any real thought into his writing.

"Isn't this enough? If you keep relying on the service club instead of learning to rely on yourself, how will you survive after we graduate? This club is here to teach you how to fish, not to give you a fish every time you ask."

"Hmph, so you say, but is this club not relying on me as well?! If not for my divine ZAIMOKUZA BARRIER OF THE EIGHT SIGNS, the evil beings of the UNDERWORLD KING OF DARKNESS would have destroyed your club before it even existed!"

Ah... Zaimokuza had gotten too carried away. I could hear the terrifying sounds of the real gates of the underworld opening. Telling Yukinoshita that she was relying on him was probably the last straw. That day Zaimokuza had his chuunibyou stamped out of him as I closed my eyes and covered my ears to avoid tainting my image of Yukinoshita.

"Wait... the one who did that to you was Yukinoshita, not me!"

Now that I looked at Zaimokuza closely, I suddenly noticed that he was not wearing his normal trench coat and finger-less gloves. He was wearing completely normal clothes. Heck his clothes were better than mine...

A non-chuunibyou Zaimokuza who is an upcoming light novel author. I suddenly felt faint. Is the sky falling? Did hell freeze over?

"Well, after that, I found that I could no longer write supernatural stories."

I see. So that's why there were no supernatural elements in this manuscript. Now that I look back, every manuscript Zaimokuza gave to the service club only had one fatal flaw: excessive use of the supernatural.

He had incredibly lengthy descriptions of the settings at the start of each story to explain each character's back story and powers, ridiculous names for abilities that made Yukinoshita cringe, and boring one-sided fights where his self-insert protagonist simply uses his superpower to wipe the floor with his enemies.

So taking out those elements led to this work huh? I still didn't like it, but it seemed surprisingly popular. In short, it was a tale about an ordinary loner who somehow managed to lead a fulfilling high school life. Too unrealistic for my tastes.

**Part 2**

"So, why me?"

"Come on, Hachiman! The other reviewers and editors have never given my works as much thought as you did in the service club! You are my only 'true comrade' who can give life to my children!"

Like I care. I only did that because Yukinoshita's glare was scary when I gave half-assed reviews. Moreover, 'true comrade'? I see the chuunibyou hasn't left you completely Zaimokuza. And don't call your manuscripts your children, that was creepy. I was starting to feel a bit like Frankenstein in Van Helsing, except this version of Count Dracula was really pathetic.

Then again, giving life to Zaimokuza's "children" probably _would _hurt as much as being repeatedly struck by lightning while tied up by metal chains, so it was best to refuse here.

"Then just go find Yukinoshita."

"No... I can't deal with Yukinoshita..."

"Why n-" Never mind. Zaimokuza was curling his body into a ball and trembling. It was that traumatic huh? In that case it was better to aim for our one non-scary club member.

"What about Yuigahama?"

"Hachiman, you and I both know she has never actually read any of my manuscripts."

Hm. That's true. Wait, you knew? Well, I guess it wasn't hard to figure out since Yuigahama always gave the same review: "You know many difficult words!"

Though to be fair, Zaimokuza's stories were so lengthy that even speed readers like me and Yukinoshita could barely read his manuscripts overnight, so there was no way Yuigahama could have done it even if she had tried.

Well, there was one more individual who was regularly in our club room... but she never treated Zaimokuza as anything other than air so that was out of the question. Plus it would be doubly annoying if Zaimokuza went looking for her, and she wasn't an official club member anyway.

"Haaa... can't be helped then. I don't even like your stories though."

"Eh? Why not!? I thought that you of all people should understand!"

"No... well... a loner having a fulfilling high school life? Isn't that too unrealistic? And more like, your protagonist doesn't even act like a true loner. Even though he complains that he has no friends all the time, he's always happily hanging out with the heroines and doing riajuu stuff."

"Muu... even if he hangs out with the heroines, they are not his friends! That's the appeal! They are heroines that cannot friend-zone you, because you are not friends!"

Was he an idiot? Girls CAN friend-zone you even if you aren't friends. Well, to be more accurate, they stranger-zoned you while claiming it is friendship. Ugh! This was opening up some of my old middle school wounds. I thought I had moved on from them, but as I continued to argue with Zaimokuza, I started having unpleasant auditory hallucinations of an icy voice going "Can't we just be friends?"


	3. Hikigaya Hachiman is a bit off

**Final Chapter: To sum up, Hikigaya Hachiman is a bit off.**

"Besides, what would you know about loners Hachiman! If I heard correctly, you were popular enough to get two confessions in high school!"

"No... that was just them confusing guilt for love. Even if I had said yes, they would have realized their feelings weren't love sooner or later. So that's why I'm still a true loner, since I still have no friends and no love life."

*Sob*. Wait, why was I telling Zaimokuza this? I clutched my head with my hands again. It seems this high school reunion was becoming an endless source of unpleasant memories.

"Humu humu. I see. But wait. If that is the case, what is with that ring on your finger Hachiman?"

"Hm? Ah this? It's a fake."

"Ha-Hachiman... are you so lonely you are going around wearing a wedding ring even though you are not married? That's just too sad..."

"Huh? No! I AM married. It's just the marriage is a fake."

Ugh, that gave me the shivers. To think that Zaimokuza was pitying me. Even if it was for only a moment, that notion was unbearable.

"Fake marriage you say? What is that?"

"Zaimokuza, for someone who is trying to become a writer, you sure don't read a lot huh? A fake marriage is actually a very common thing. Basically two people who don't really love each other get married for other reasons, such as appeasing their families or looking good in society. Like a gay man and a lesbian woman get married so they can appear heterosexual in a society that discriminates against homosexuals."

"Umu... I understand now Hachiman. So you really were after Sir Totsuka after all."

"WHAT?! No!" At least... I don't think I am... not anymore... maybe... Could it be that I was subconsciously rejecting those girls because of my overwhelming love for the angelic Totsuka? No no, that can't be it. Besides, I haven't even seen Totsuka since we graduated from Sobu High.

Since he decided to play tennis as a career, he had to practice a lot. Meanwhile, the me who had his dreams of being a house-husband shattered had to desperately struggle to find a job as well. Thus we no longer had any time to meet up and we slowly drifted apart. I wonder how he was doing now... my auditory hallucinations were suddenly replaced by a pleasant voice calling my name...

"Hachiman. Hachiman. Hachiman!"

"Hey! Are you listening?"

_Gah! _At some point the voice was replaced by Zaimokuza's. My memories have been tainted damn it! I stared at Zaimokuza with resentful eyes, wondering if it was possible to sue him for the damage he caused to my mind. But as usual, Zaimokuza couldn't read the mood. Instead he seemed happy that I was finally looking at his face.

"Hachiman! I take it that this means you are married to a real girl then? Is that not an enviable situation Hachiman? It sounds like a great setting for love is it not? Since you are living together, even if your marriage is fake, true love could slowly grow could it not? Not to mention, you could accidentally walk in on her during a bath! Guhehe..."

Towards the end there Zaimokuza seemed to have forgotten about his goal to develop true love and headed off to the path of the lucky pervert instead... In any case, I had to correct him.

"It only seems that way to outsiders. It's like having a little sister. Those without little sisters may feel that a little sister makes for a perfect bride, but those that do can only see their little sisters as a nuisance. Even if you see your little sister naked, you feel nothing."

"Oya? Are you saying you have seen your wife naked and not felt anything? I can somewhat understand your argument for little sisters, but a fake wife should be like a stranger no? Isn't it weirder to not feel anything?"

Hm? Now that he mentioned it, that did sound weird. But I truly could not feel any love in my interactions with my fake wife. After all, she would remind me everyday that this was just practice. And if I felt dissatisfied or rejected her in any way, she would cry and demand I take responsibility since I was the one who messed up her life during her first year of high school. In the end I just went along with everything she asked.

In fact, she was the one who suggested the fake marriage to begin with. At that time I still had an infinitesimally tiny amount of hope that I might one day find genuine love, so I actually was leaning towards no. However, she rejected my rejection and pretty much forced my eyes open to accept the reality that romance would never happen in my life. Thus there was no way that any love could be found in this marriage.

But how would I explain this to Zaimokuza? ... Ah. I see the problem.

"Ah sorry. Zaimokuza, I misspoke. What I meant was that you cannot feel love for your fake wife. But yes, you can feel lust for her. "

Yes, my fake wife was unbelievably cute after all. Too bad she was also incredibly sly and had no love for me. Just when I was thinking that, my phone started to ring. Zaimokuza nodded to indicate that he didn't mind the interruption in our conversation, so I answered it.

"_Senpaiiii!_ Actually..."

Speak of the devil... she called me as soon as I thought about her. Was this some kind of fate? Could my fake wife actually be falling in love with me like Zaimokuza suggested?

As if. The fact that she was still calling me "senpai" was proof enough that love had no place in our marriage. I'm not sure she even remembers what my name is. Then again, my own family hasn't called me by my name in a long time either. Perhaps the only one left in the world who knows my name is Zaimokuza? That was a scary thought. Oops, I forgot the call was still ongoing.

"... so that's why today is no _goooood_."

"Ah, I got it. Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

Hmm... did the fact that I understood what she was trying to say just by listening to the last line suggest that our love was actually true? Or did it suggest that I was a perfectly whipped fake husband?

"Sorry Zaimokuza, I gotta leave early today. We can continue this another time."

"Umu. Don't worry Hachiman, this Zaimokuza is very understanding. Rather, what's the matter Hachiman? Do you require my assistance again? Hmph, I, who extend a helping hand to the weak, am super cool."

Ohhh... that was nostalgic. But it wasn't an important issue this time.

"I just have to go pick up my kid from the day care."

"PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!" Zaimokuza did an exaggerated spit-take. You weren't even drinking anything Zaimokuza, that's just disgusting.

"You... you... have a kid?!"

Why was he so surprised?

"What of it Zaimokuza?"

"Does... doesn't that mean you have... performed the act with your wife?!"

Ah. Zaimokuza misunderstood again. Certainly that did happen, but that was just because she was worried that she wouldn't be good at it when she did it with Hayama. It was the same about the kid too, she just wanted to train to be a good mother. After all, her main rival Miura was overflowing with motherly qualities, while my fake wife had none whatsoever. Thus none of those actions had any love, they were purely calculated to give her the best shot at winning over Hayama when he eventually divorced Miura. Source = my fake wife, so it couldn't be wrong.

But explaining this to Zaimokuza would be a pain. As I scratched my head wondering how to explain it, he spoke first.

"Umu. I see now Hachiman. I used to think that the old me was a bit off in the head, but I see that you are far worse! To not realize how much your wife loves you even though you have already made a kid..."

What?! Did he just say I was more mentally screwed up than his old chuunibyou self? That is ridiculous! As if there could be anything more screwed up than Zaimokuza! Why was I even bothering to explain anything to him?

No. Wait. Calm down. It would be insanely petty to get angry at Zaimokuza. He has always been a bit off and unable to read the mood, so it is not his fault when he makes ridiculously insulting statements. That is why I should calmly handle him. Calmly ignore his existence and just walk out the door.

I never met Zaimokuza Yoshiteru today. The meeting with WW was probably tomorrow due to a communication mix-up, and this was just a bad joke. Leaving the room, I could hear an anguished shout behind me.

"Grrr... How can Hachiman have a lovey-dovey wife and kid!? RIAJUU SHOULD JUST EXPLODE!"


	4. My Fake Marriage SNAFU

**Epilogue Chapter: My Fake Marriage SNAFU.**

**Part 1**

Young children are such mysterious beings. Unlike other creatures, their smiles indicate genuine happiness instead of suppressed anger. Speaking of genuine smiles brought a certain face to mind, but he was the irregular. It was far more common to see fake smiles that at best meant the owner was scheming something, and at worst signaled my impending doom.

The 1000-watt smile she inherited from her mother allowed the day's accumulated stress to leave my heart. It also allowed me to leave the day care despite the suspicious eyes of the caretakers. Selective memory is scary. Although they all remembered my fake wife as one of the organizers for a Christmas event held there over a decade ago, not one of them remembered me.

Admittedly, since she had inherited my genes, I was initially worried that she might end up twisted and unpopular like a certain Watamote protagonist, but my fears were unfounded. It seems that my loner traits had been suppressed, as she looked more like a cross between my wife and Komachi. In fact, the resemblance was so uncanny that if Komachi had been a brother instead of a sister, I might have suspected something was afoot. Then again that would have just made her twice as cute...

Unfortunately, young children also spend most of their time asleep, so I was currently alone. Three people live in this apartment, yet I was still alone. What's up with that?

In any case, I was currently surfing through WW's online web novels to confirm his identity. Knowing Zaimokuza's personality, he would have already recovered from any damage he took during our meeting and would be back to pester me tomorrow. Thus my only hope was that Zaimokuza was actually playing a prank and that WW was a completely different person.

Sadly, the more I read the less hope remained. Now that I was looking for them, I could see the traits of Zaimokuza's writing style everywhere. Protagonists that were clearly based on himself. Antagonists that were clearly based on real life people he disliked. Wait, this character was definitely Yukinoshita wasn't it? And the protagonist even walked in on her when she was changing clothes... Zaimokuza's life is definitely going to end when she finds out. Hopefully after it gets illustrated though...

Still... Zaimokuza really achieved his dream of becoming a light novel author huh? That meant I now knew the fates of four Sobu High alumni.

Sample A failed in his high school dream of becoming a house-husband.

Sample B achieved her high school dream of marrying an editor.

Sample C achieved her high school dream of unloading her onii-chan onto someone else.

Sample D achieved his high school dream of becoming an author.

Wasn't I the only one that failed?! That can't be right. Excluding Komachi, was my dream not the easiest one? And although I couldn't be sure, I suspected that I also had the best grades out of the four, so how did this happen?

Wait, if we considered the fact that I was regularly in charge of cooking the miso soup, perhaps I did achieve my dream of becoming a house-husband. I just had two jobs instead of one. Yare yare, it seems that without me noticing, my fake wife had once again activated my Unlimited Double Works reality marble.

Still, weren't your dreams supposed to betray you? Either my sample data was horribly skewed, or Sobu High was an amazing school that gave students the education needed to really achieve their dreams... if this was Academy City, wouldn't we all be Level 5? Then again, it would be problematic if they strengthened my Level 2 Dummy Check ability any further though... I already couldn't turn it off.

To confirm my hypothesis, I needed more data. Being a loner, I did not have anyone's contact information, so there was no way I could call them to confirm. Not that I would even if I could. But there was still a way to find out. Nowadays the internet was amazing: if anything remotely interesting happened in your life, there would be web pages describing the event, and Google-sensei would find them.

Thus I could simply type in their name, and Google-sensei would handle the rest. Incidentally, googling my own name gave 0 results about me, proving that I was a true loner. So how Zaimokuza managed to track me down is a complete mystery. No matter, it was time to type in the first name. Let's see... T-O-T-S-U-K-A-Space-S-A-I-K-A-Enter.

**Part 2**

The results of my research? Totsukawaii was alive and well. It was a strange feeling... normally whenever I see a crowd of girls cheering for an athlete, I would feel like I could physically manifest my A.T. Field even without an Evangelion. But when it came to Totsuka, somehow I would only see a yuri field. But he's a guy.

I would google the names of my other high school acquaintances, but the sound of the door opening indicated that my fake wife had returned, thus ending my purely scientific study. Even though a few hours had passed, I had only acquired one additional sample. Apparently my teachers were spot-on when they said I was not cut out for a career in the sciences.

"_Senpaiii!_ I'm home!"

My fake wife was standing in the doorway carrying two large shopping bags of clothes and giving off the "I'm exhausted" appeal. Strangely, even though I had previously judged that such appeals were downright irritating, my house-husband skill had already automatically activated as I took the bags from her hands.

Weird, I don't remember getting up from my seat, yet I was already at the doorway. Was a command spell used to summon me? Then again, absolute obedience was already enforced, so there was no need to worry about wasting command spells. My head filled with such useless thoughts as I carried the bags to the bedroom closet.

Suddenly, I recalled Zaimokuza's parting words... "To not realize how much your wife loves you ..."

I stared at the adorable creature that unsuspectingly followed me into the bedroom. Certainly there was trust, but love couldn't be the case right?

Then again, why did she even follow me? Did she think I would start sniffing her clothes or putting her underwear on my head or something? Perhaps there was no trust either...

"Senpai... you are acting kind of strange. Did something happen?"

"No. I just ran into someone from high school today."

"Heeehhh..."

I was suddenly subjected to the original 1000-watt smile in all of its overwhelming glory. Not good!

"So what did you talk about with Yukinoshita-senpai? Or was it Yui-senpai?"

If I was reading it correctly, what she was really saying was "You have some guts to be flirting around when you should have been taking care of our daughter!"

"No! You got it wrong! It was just Zaimokuza and it was before you called!"

Scary. My fake wife is too scary. Didn't this already count as domestic violence? Still, even if we went to court, it was my word against hers, so there was no chance of success. After all, court cases with insufficient evidence always ended up as popularity contests among the witnesses, so a loner could never win. Then again, was she so angry because she was actually jealous? Could it be that I was really loved after all?

"Then it's fine. Even if our marriage is fake, I can't have people thinking that my husband is cheating on me after all. It would hurt my image."

Scratch that. There's no way this calculated marriage has any love in it. Sigh.

"Still, you are acting really weird after all Senpai. What's the matter?"

"It's nothing. I was just thinking about how even though we are officially married, we have never actually done anything romantic... like proclaiming our love for each other or something..." ...or even calling each other by our first names for that matter...

Now that I think about it, my own parents never did any of that either. Forget names, my mother never even used pronouns when referring to my father... it was purely non-verbal communication. Actually, rather than communication, it was more like orders from above. Thanks to that I wasn't entirely sure what my own father's actual name was. So perhaps this is actually normal in a marriage? Or maybe... No. I should not doubt the legitimacy of my own parent's marriage.

Hm? For some reason, my fake wife's face had turned red. Just when I was thinking that, she took a large jump backwards away from me.

"Ha! Could it be you were making passes at me just now? I'm sorry, but I'm already married."

Another rejection added to the list. If I had a penny for each one of these, I would have more money than I earned from my job. The scary part was, this was probably not an exaggeration. Then again, the one you were married to was me though... did you forget? Do I need to find our marriage certificate?

"No we don't actually have to say 'I love you' or anything. I was just thinking that in anime, doesn't the wife normally welcome the husband with 'Do you want food? A bath? Or perhaps me?' while wearing a naked apron?"

"That's even worse! There's no way that happens in real life senpai! You hentai!"

Whoops! It seems my thoughts had derailed from love to lust at some point. I must have been infected by today's encounter with Zaimokuza. Got to make an excuse quick!

"No well, I was just thinking, it would make good practice right? I'm sure that Hayama would also enjoy something like that."

"There's no way Hayama-senpai would ever request something like that!"

Was that really the case? Unknown to my wife, Hayama was actually very two-faced. Under his nice guy facade, he was probably just a pervert like the rest of us. Actually, the wealthier classes of society often had more maniacal tastes, so he was probably worse! I wasn't wrong, right?

"No well, it might happen right? So just in case..."

My fake wife was starting to pout, but strangely that just made her look cuter.

"Mou... I got it. I'll do it so just leave the room for a few minutes so I can change."

Was it a sign that I was becoming irreversibly twisted when I was happier to see frowns instead of smiles? Eh? My thought processes ground to a halt. Did she just say yes?!

She accepted my ridiculous request? Naze da? Why? She should also know that the Hayama Hayato that always answers expectations would never actually ask for something like that, so why was she going with it?

Perhaps, she was genuinely in love with me after all? But why? When? How? If my past experiences were any indication, it was impossible for any girl to fall in love with a loner outside of wish-fulfillment fiction. At best, they could confuse some other emotion like guilt or gratitude for love...

Was that it? Did my wife somehow think it was her fault that my high school life didn't go well? And so, confusing guilt for love, she decided to get married and take care of me so that I wouldn't be alone. All this time I thought I was taking responsibility and making amends by supporting her, but perhaps it was actually the other way around?

...

If that was the case...

...

...then maybe I should...

_*Click*._

My thoughts were once again interrupted by a sudden sound. When I looked around to find the source of the noise, only to find my living room and no sign of my wife. It seems that while I was spacing out, I had been pushed out of the bedroom. But what was that sound?

Turning around, I tried to enter the bedroom, only to find that the door was locked.

"Eh?"

As I stared blankly at the door handle, a cheeky voice came from the other side.

"He he. My senpai is dense as expected. Stay out there and reflect on your perversions senpai!"

This little! That impression of me wasn't even close! As I thought, there was no way my fake wife had any affection for me. It was all a lie. A delusion brought on by proximity to the chuunibyou existence known as Zaimokuza.

Exactly as it was stated, my fake marriage was fake.


End file.
